Labour Day Message from the Political Leader

Dear Fellow Partiers,

I join you today in our shared misery as the nation commemorates Labour Day. More than three- score years ago, labourers fought - and even murdered several police men - to send a signal about the power of workers all over the land. But all I have to say now is shame on them! Their contribution to the nation has been the antithesis of what Party Hearty is all about.

As we gather on this mournful day, many of us doing so stale-drunk, let us recognise, instead, the contribution of those who did not labour. Let us remember those who, with their lightness of touch, were the true heros that forged the democracy we have today. That democracy is based on one fundamental principle: the right to party hearty! For this reason, no matter how many years pass, no matter what issues of pressing political intrigue and interest come to dominate the national debate - political rallies will always been about the free food, music and drink! And that is as it should be. For if music be the food of love, play on!

Today, in this winter of discontent, as we commorate Labour Day, I call upon those in power to do this: let us abolish the Labour Day holiday forthwith!

A Party Hearty administration would replace this holiday with Belabour Day, and we would belabour the point year after year: that point being that the nation needs nothing more now more than partying.

And so my fellow fetters, party on!

Our candidate for San Fernando Mayor - JAMES DASHWOOD

'The first thing that makes me unbeatable is that I am from Port-of-Spain.... So San Fernando people, get out there and spread the word. Your saviour is here.'

'Of course, anyone from "outside" will have to pay a toll to enter Sando.'

San Fernando men - and your women too - lend me your ear, I guess. I am here because of a rumour, heard at several watering holes, that Patrick is giving up his seat in Parliament to run for a seat on the San Fernado City Corporation. The talk from those in the know occupying various bar stools - some of them in need of a designated driver, and others hopeful women - is that Patrick is secretly seeking a back-door  to the Mayor-Ship, even though the workload will be far too much for him given his health troubles. Well if that does not get you running for a blue pill too, then take what you get. We can't let that happen can we? So, for the sake of Patrick, here I am.

What do I have to you offer? Thought you'd never ask. Well the first thing that makes me unbeatable is that I am from Port-of-Spain. PoS born and bred. That should be enough. I mean, I AM running in San Fernando. However, I feel a need to tell the people of this great town - sorry city! - some of my plans to make it the No. 1 city in the country. And the region too. The mayor of PoS makes that task simple. He has made a mess of the capital.

Together we can make San Fernando beautiful. To do that we must stay away from the PNM. We must dump the COP, the UNC, the PP. Your future, our future, lies with PARTY HEARTY, the political machine of the future, for want of a better term. Some of you may be thinking of giving the COP mayor (what's his name again?) a second chance. But to do what? To continue the in-house fighting? To send PP financiers to prison or on the campaign trail bad-mouthing fellow colleagues? With me and Party Hearty that will be a thing of the past. I will be in charge!

As mayor, pubs in San Fernando will open as long as they like. These days it's difficult to get people to work eight hours. If pub workers want to work whole night, I will let them. Customers can lime and drink on the sidewalks, park on both sides of the road. Wreckers will be outlawed. I will designate peeing zones - with special walls if necessary- so that people's properties will be protected from men with weak bladders. I will encourage the watering holes to to play their music loud, attracting patrons passing on the highways and byways, if the PP ever completes them. Sutton, Cipero and Coffee Streets will be made pedestrian areas from 6 pm to 6 am daily. Sundays will see the bars playing gospel music to encourage the religious minded to let their hair down - and whatever else they may be so minded to let down. Under my leadership, San Fernando will be party Central - in the South, if you get what I mean.

Of course, anyone from 'outside' will have to pay a toll to enter Sando. But they will be promised a great time. Anyone caught drinking and driving will also pay a toll to leave. More income will come from lowering the taxes on booze. Prices will go down and more booze will sell. And more 'hole' will open up for partying. The party will be ... well hearty. People from all over the country will flock to San Fernando, especially the suffering citizens of PoS. Once again they will find freedom - freedom to lime, freedom to park wihout fear of not finding their vehicles after spending their money to make the city richer. More than anything else, they will be free of that mayor.

And there will also be beach parties. Going into the water however will not be allowed - for the safety Party Hearty supporters. There will be no lifeguards. They have been demanding too much money for sitting whole day in the sun on the beach and enjoying the lovely sights. If the PP ever upgrades the waterfront that will be the ideal place for fun in the sun. But don't hold your breath. However, you can count on me to get it going when I am mayor.

So San Fernando people, get out there and spread the word. Your saviour is here. Let the sufferers in that once great capital city of PoS - it declined after I left - know they will be welcome to paty in San Fernando. They will be rid of their mayor, San Fernando will be free of Patrick and the PNM, what's his name at city hall and the COP, and the stumbling and bumbling PP. But they will have me. And oh yes, you will have PARTY HEARTY.  Next stop prime minister. The party now start.