Labour Day Message from the Political Leader

Dear Fellow Partiers,

I join you today in our shared misery as the nation commemorates Labour Day. More than three- score years ago, labourers fought - and even murdered several police men - to send a signal about the power of workers all over the land. But all I have to say now is shame on them! Their contribution to the nation has been the antithesis of what Party Hearty is all about.

As we gather on this mournful day, many of us doing so stale-drunk, let us recognise, instead, the contribution of those who did not labour. Let us remember those who, with their lightness of touch, were the true heros that forged the democracy we have today. That democracy is based on one fundamental principle: the right to party hearty! For this reason, no matter how many years pass, no matter what issues of pressing political intrigue and interest come to dominate the national debate - political rallies will always been about the free food, music and drink! And that is as it should be. For if music be the food of love, play on!

Today, in this winter of discontent, as we commorate Labour Day, I call upon those in power to do this: let us abolish the Labour Day holiday forthwith!

A Party Hearty administration would replace this holiday with Belabour Day, and we would belabour the point year after year: that point being that the nation needs nothing more now more than partying.

And so my fellow fetters, party on!