PARTY HEARTY STATEMENT ON THE CHAGUANAS WEST BUY-ELECTION

Party Hearty will not contest 

In response to the overwhelming tide of support and queries from you, our beloved subjects, Party Hearty, would like to take this opportunity to break its deafening silence on the Chaguanas West buy-election and to state, once and for all, our reasons for not contesting the election.

But before we do this we would like to note, with alarm, that the former incumbent, a one Mr Jack Warner, has dared to co-opt the green colour of the Party Hearty legions for his so-called Independent Liberal Party (ILP). We say Mr Warner's blatant theft of our official colour goes far to prove that his new creature is indeed independent: independent of the ethics of proper ownership! Party Hearty would like to recommend that Mr Warner's party get a new look, such as stripes or polka dots.

Party Hearty is deep into its screening process for the upcoming Local Government elections and so - like the COP - we don't care what is going on in the Chaguanas West bye-election: we'd like to start fighting for local government seats now even as everybody else is focusing on this mother of all bye-elections. This is why, over the last few weeks, we have been tantalizingly unveiling our Local Government slate, including our candidates for the San Fernando City Corporation; Port-of-Spain City Corporation; the Sangre Grande Regional Corporation; and the Diego Martin Corporation. The COP's announcement on Sunday that it intends to fight for the Sando and Diego corporations was obviously a reaction to the great pressure our new candidates have been placing on the PP Government coalition.

In fact, our screening process is so advanced that we have managed to infiltrate the ranks of the PP Government. Remember that guy Rodger Samuel? (no, not Lincoln Douglas! The Arima MP- the one with the glasses? You know the guy you always mistake for Lincoln Douglas? THE Rodger Samuel? The preacher man!) Party Hearty would like to officially announce that Samuel has crossed the floor and will be joining our ranks. He is to resign his seat and go green. We are yet, however, to find a place for him within our Cabal.

Mudslinging: the BUY election scandal

Party Hearty will not let this opportunity  pass without issuing a few highly-libellous made-up allegations (hint hint Dr Rowley).

It has come to our attention that the newly-announced program by Food Production Minister Devant Maharaj to use seven new species of cassava and sweet potato is a nefarious and diabolical plot to scuttle the chances of the PNM candidate Avinod Mahabir. Though we are not in any way involved in the Chaguanas West bye-election, and hold no covert brief for any other political entity, we need to put our foot down for the sake of democracy! We understand sweet potatoes are being traded for yams, to the tune of MILLIONS. We also call on Maharaj to state, once and for all, WHERE THE SWEET POTATOS GONE?

Also we got a report from a "whistleblower" (who blew what else God alone knows) that one councillor, who shall remain unnamed, has been illegally stealing crates of lingerie and using the items to pass cocaine through customs through use of various moles, who are, in fact, PERSONS IN GOVERNANCE!!!!! We call on PERSONS IN GOVERNANCE to account for the millions siphoned and laundered through this diabolical operation once and for all. PERSONS IN GOVERNANCE!!!!!

Thank you and bye buy

Interim President of Party Hearty Cabal (ZONE 1)

(The Deputy Political Leader of Bacchanalian Affaires Andre Bagoo recused himself from this statement due to an interest in conflict)