No bottomless pit from which to extract funds to fund a buy-election, Party Hearty in preparation for the local government elections, has decided to start a sou sou. (Not a sue, sue).
Our headquarters located online, the PH sou sou will be conducted via email, the funds deposited into a PayPal account controlled by our treasurer who every other week will disburse the collection to a different candidate. (Each of our candidates will represent a corporation.) The candidates will then use these monies to fund a fete campaign in the corporations on a rotational basis, so we can show our prospective constituents that when we win they will not party once in a blue moon, nor at the crack of lagahoo dawn, but at least two dozen times a year, at regular hours.
Nor will any of our members become a Jacakalantan, a mysterious light that appears and attracts people, misleading the unwary into desolate areas far away from their intended destinations before vanishing. We cannot swear though that there are no douens or soucouyant among us — our screening process is admittedly as lax as the mainstream parties, and many of our members come out only at dusk and during the night, on the pretext that they are working to bring out a newspaper.
Call us insane if you like for taking a risk conducting the sou sou via email — local spies and hackers abound — but we are hoping that any and all information stolen from our email communications and contributions will earn us a place in the national spotlight via a motion of no confidence in our ability to fund fetes every day of the week and three times on a Saturday as we have promised in our manifesto. But we will be immediately exposing the whistleblowers, as no party in TT can be a success without flags, rags and whistles. We wish we could offer the residents of our communities fetes on a more consistent basis as we have promised, but our party eschews acceptance of funds by financiers, principally we have had no offers and because our treasurer, having no access to the Treasury, has thus far been unable to diversify the economy by investing in feteing. However, we might consider accepting money handed out in brown paper bags, principally because these can be recycled.
We’d prefer the bags to be green-which has been PH’s colour for several years now, even if the colour has been co-opted recently by mocking pretenders despite the fact that we have repeatedly stated that politicians of other parties may use our “green print” for government, but we’ve asked that credit (as in acknowledgment and not bank account deposits) be given to PH. We would also like to take this opportunity to debunk the notion that we chose our colour because of its association with green cards or money. We are the original green party because we believe in creating the perfect environment for fetes and limes.
As leader of the party, until ousted by my deputies, essential to any fete in TT, I cannot promise either a feminine touch of restraint, decorum and dignity, which some expect of a woman leader, as PH believes in equal opportunity bacchanal, and touching, integral and natural to any fete, cannot be the sole domain of men.
Our party manifesto however, includes a gender policy because we believe that gender is a fantastic idea which everyone should try to have. But if you don’t have a gender, we ask that you have an agenda to get a gender, though we are patient and willing to wait. We also believe that it is acceptable for anyone of any gender to lead PH, even those who haven’t chosen one yet.
It is eventually our intention to create a PH Integrity Commission, as we see a major role for integrity in feteing and the head of this body will be a curry duck Commissioner who will rally citizens to party below the limbo bar which will be lowered on a weekly basis. However we realise that there must be limits for those wishing to lime in the Commission, and as we do not have any interest in conflict, we promise that our Ministry of Legal Affairs will draft legislation which prohibits the simultaneous participation of any member of the Commission in limbo and in other dance contests.
Finally we would like to promise that we will engage in no mud-slinging except at Jóuvert; and we would like to state for the record or record for the State, that we believe in the fundamental human right to celebrate birthday parties in any manner that the birthday boy or girl sees fit, as we find no sou sou to be complete without the icing on the cake.
Nor will any of our members become a Jacakalantan, a mysterious light that appears and attracts people, misleading the unwary into desolate areas far away from their intended destinations before vanishing. We cannot swear though that there are no douens or soucouyant among us — our screening process is admittedly as lax as the mainstream parties, and many of our members come out only at dusk and during the night, on the pretext that they are working to bring out a newspaper.
Call us insane if you like for taking a risk conducting the sou sou via email — local spies and hackers abound — but we are hoping that any and all information stolen from our email communications and contributions will earn us a place in the national spotlight via a motion of no confidence in our ability to fund fetes every day of the week and three times on a Saturday as we have promised in our manifesto. But we will be immediately exposing the whistleblowers, as no party in TT can be a success without flags, rags and whistles. We wish we could offer the residents of our communities fetes on a more consistent basis as we have promised, but our party eschews acceptance of funds by financiers, principally we have had no offers and because our treasurer, having no access to the Treasury, has thus far been unable to diversify the economy by investing in feteing. However, we might consider accepting money handed out in brown paper bags, principally because these can be recycled.
We’d prefer the bags to be green-which has been PH’s colour for several years now, even if the colour has been co-opted recently by mocking pretenders despite the fact that we have repeatedly stated that politicians of other parties may use our “green print” for government, but we’ve asked that credit (as in acknowledgment and not bank account deposits) be given to PH. We would also like to take this opportunity to debunk the notion that we chose our colour because of its association with green cards or money. We are the original green party because we believe in creating the perfect environment for fetes and limes.
As leader of the party, until ousted by my deputies, essential to any fete in TT, I cannot promise either a feminine touch of restraint, decorum and dignity, which some expect of a woman leader, as PH believes in equal opportunity bacchanal, and touching, integral and natural to any fete, cannot be the sole domain of men.
Our party manifesto however, includes a gender policy because we believe that gender is a fantastic idea which everyone should try to have. But if you don’t have a gender, we ask that you have an agenda to get a gender, though we are patient and willing to wait. We also believe that it is acceptable for anyone of any gender to lead PH, even those who haven’t chosen one yet.
It is eventually our intention to create a PH Integrity Commission, as we see a major role for integrity in feteing and the head of this body will be a curry duck Commissioner who will rally citizens to party below the limbo bar which will be lowered on a weekly basis. However we realise that there must be limits for those wishing to lime in the Commission, and as we do not have any interest in conflict, we promise that our Ministry of Legal Affairs will draft legislation which prohibits the simultaneous participation of any member of the Commission in limbo and in other dance contests.
Finally we would like to promise that we will engage in no mud-slinging except at Jóuvert; and we would like to state for the record or record for the State, that we believe in the fundamental human right to celebrate birthday parties in any manner that the birthday boy or girl sees fit, as we find no sou sou to be complete without the icing on the cake.
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Footnote: I would like to thank CAL and bmobile for their immediate and courteous assistance last Friday.
Footnote: I would like to thank CAL and bmobile for their immediate and courteous assistance last Friday.
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