Our candidate for the POS City Corporation: LOWLEE

 

'I am not interested in petty party politics. As Mayor, one of my first acts, will be to run out all residents...' 

 

IT HAS been said that during the term of the incumbent, not once...not once has he ever stuck his neck out for someone, anyone from among the tens of thousands living and working within the precincts of the Port-of-Spain City Corporation. His excuse? He has no neck!
 

Well, I for one have plenty neck and thus with little fanfare I publicly announce my candidacy on a Party Hearty ticket for the 2013 Local Government Elections. I am not content with a mere councillorship. I am looking to be elected alderman and then Mayor of the capital of our great nation.
 

And while the incumbent is busy lea-sing or renting his opinions all over the place, all over radio and to any poor journalist unfortunate enough to chook a mic in his face, I will not knock the government over perceived sins which have left Port of Spain in a right royal mess.
 

I am not interested in petty party politics. As Mayor, one of my first acts, will be to run out all residents (especially the old ones, who obviously have an axe to grind against deafeningly loud wine and jook music and young gyul in skimpy outfit) along de Avenue and make that one big Party Hearty liming strip!!!
 

As your new Mayor, whenever tong floods during light to moderate drizzle, because of all of the rubbish thrown down the drains by members of the burgesses, instead of blaming “de govament” for the water, I will declare the city a - Swimming Only Zone (SOZ).
 

This way people will be allowed to swim in the flood waters of the SOZ to get to their destination. Thus, it will solve the problem of smog caused by so many vehicles in the capital and also reduce incidences of chronic non-communicable diseases such as diabetes and heart disease, since it has been well documented that swimming helps the cardiovascular system. Also, this competition to the Water Taxi Service will no doubt be a welcome development for those looking to improve that service.
 

As Mayor, TGIF will have real meaning in that all forms of labour - save and except for child-bearing labour - will be banned on Fridays. The weekend will start from 6 am on Friday and end at 6 am on Monday!!!! We can all party heartily until we either pass out, pass gas or pass the point of no return.
 

As you all well know, Party Hearty is an all inclusive entity, thus I would like to publicly call on Jack to give up his quest for Chaguanas West. Jack, you-en-see what this is doing to you? All this setta walking up and down Chaguanas go make yu get thin foot to go along with your thin skin. That is just one seat, Jack. I am offering you, if you be my running mate in this local government election, a more exalted seat — Deputy Mayor of the nation’s Capital.
 

All I ask, for this grand gesture, is for you Jack, to sponsor yuh boy’s campaign. Every dollar (whether Trini, US, or Fifa-preferred Swiss Franc) counts. Of course nothing in life is free.
 

If you join with me and abandon de pee-pee once and for all, I will give you all the green t-shirts you can ever dream of owning. I have an abundant supply of rich-green Party Hearty t-shirts. Green is definitely the way to go Jacko! (I note that the latest polls suggest Jack has a lead in Chaguanas West. Unfortunately, the same polls also say the PNM actually has a 13 per cent chance,  a clear indication that that poll is suspect!)
 

Having digressed somewhat, let me end by saying that my vision for Port of Spain when I become mayor is written down on some paper which I have in my proverbial back-pocket but I will only publicly divulge it’s rum-laced contents after the boss lady in the pee-pee announces the date for local government elections.
 

To the incumbent, I say good riddance and to my burgesses-in-waiting I say, put your ‘X’ next to the Party Hearty symbol on election day to ensure the kind of swaggerrific (sorry Bunji but I say it better than you) representation you all need and deserve. Let the partying begin!!!

Oh, and here's what I look like these days: